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Note to self: blog to preserve sanity

I’m currently working at DG doing web-application programming, which is great. It’s in my favorite language using my favorite web-application framework, and I’m working with some great people. I still occasionally go crazy though, and I assume that getting my mind off of work sometimes to read my Bible and blog about it will be helpful. I’ll be doing something intellectually stimulating that nonetheless has almost nothing to do with Ruby programming. That said, I’ll probably end up blogging something about Ruby and Rails once I get excited about them again.

I’ve also decided to just skip the month or so that I got behind in some of the bookmarks of my Bible reading plan. The fact that I was so far behind in difficult books (Revelation, Job, Psalms) actually made it less likely that I would read my Bible, so I hope this sets things back on track again.

That and the change in atmosphere might keep me sane, and I may even get some rest before school starts up again in about three weeks.

Come buy without money

From Isaiah 55

This is what John the Baptist was preaching in the wilderness – repentance leading to forgiveness – an early gospel.

Look how beautiful it is, with God’s plea for us to forsake eating dirt and come to him for real, satisfying food.

Look at his plea for us to seek him while there’s still time.

“Let the wicked forsake his way, … FOR my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. Interesting.

His word will be like rain scattered on the earth that brings up plants!

Some really weird and awesome stuff will be happening when we’re led out by Jesus – mountains and hills and trees singing and clapping…

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also

First post in a while, and I didn’t even intend to post. I was cleaning out my tasks list and found a verse in there, which means I intended to think more deeply about it later. There’s not much hope for that right now given the hour, but I felt like a preliminary walk-through.

Just thinking about Matthew 6:21 -

This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible because it’s so clear. Your heart follows your valuable investments. People who invest in nice cars are devastated when the car gets its first scratch. People who invest in houses and property work hard to keep them clean and are embarrassed when company sees them unkempt.  People who invest in stocks have it the worst – they have their hearts go up and down every time they check the web page.

We’re supposed to invest in the Kingdom of Heaven. What does that look like? I would love to make it more likely that my heart will treasure God, so in what should I invest? Further,what should I invest?

Treasure in this verse is different than money, though it doesn’t exclude it. For example, I’m giving monthly to a Campus Crusade for Christ intern, but because I set it up with their website to automatically pay monthly, I don’t notice, and I’d forgotten until now. I’m not paying attention so it’s clearly not an investment of my treasure. I’m also clearly not giving enough to feel it, so it’s even less my treasure.

What do I treasure that I could invest fully in the Kingdom of God? The first thing that comes to mind is my reputation, and immediately this becomes a bigger problem in my eyes. I have noticed that a huge impediment to my spiritual growth in the last year and a half has been my strong desire to be liked by anyone and everyone. If I’m to invest myself in the Kingdom of God, I need to put my identity in front of my peers fully in the reputation of Jesus.

“…preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 1:13)

If the idea is to find out what you treasure and then to put it where you would like your heart to be, I must find a way to put my very identity before non-Christians in Jesus. That way, if the real Jesus doesn’t look good to them, I necessarily don’t look good to them. It will spur me to pay attention, see? Perhaps when I meet someone new I should just get it out in the first conversation that I truly follow Jesus. That way I won’t be tempted to keep it hidden so they’ll think I’m cool or smart or funny, etc.

I’m big on small steps to start with. That way you don’t have to be amazing to get started on a good path. As someone said to me recently, a good first step is to be OK with people evenknowing I’m a Christian.

I’ll try to start this tomorrow.

A million short posts, or one long one

Definitely a million short posts, because thinking of it that way is misleading. There are more than two options. If I consciously opt for the one long post, I will unconsciously be opting for the third option of “no posts ever.”

Get the thoughts out

I need to write more, as writing stuff down gets it off my chest when it’s bad, and gets it solidly anchored in my head when it’s good. I should just write in this blog, even when I’m not going to publish stuff.

I’ll have a million drafts written in here unpublished. :)

Perhaps one of them will turn into an idea, and I’ll flesh it out and publish it. I wonder if the blog can still serve its purpose for me without being constantly published. Then again, perhaps the pressure to publish whatever I write here has been just the thing keeping me from writing.

Time to start writing, regardless. I need to write somewhere, and I might as well do it here.

I would post more here if I wasn’t so stressed

I’m sitting on the third floor bridge in Duffield with Katie and Adam and thinking that I would definitely post more if I wasn’t so stressed. I’m reading a paper on neural networks and thinking about things that seem worth talking about. I go to post here and… feel guilty that I’m not working. Perhaps I need to set times during the day when I just take a break and empty my brain, but I’m definitely not going to post here the way things are going. I’m even getting caught up in my Bible reading now, but I’m not posting because I have so much other work to be doing.

It’s not that I’m busy doing that work, so I can’t post. It’s that even when I feel totally incapable of doing that work, I feel guilty doing other things. This contributes to the stress and ends in paralysis. That’s it – I’m taking a break and writing a blog post. Or… Shoot. I just did that. Now I should be working.

EDIT: I’m going to quit editing what I write here so it doesn’t take so long or look so difficult to post when I’m on the fence about it. Er… shoot.

“My Catharsis”

This is more or less the theme for my blog: get it out of my head and on the “page”, and maybe more thoughts will fill its empty place.

My Catharsis, by Dan Bull Get Adobe Flash player

I'll get in my submarine
Set sail to somewhere remote
I'll wait until World War III is over
Then go and live with the victors and

Sing
Sing
My catharsis

Look, never again will I put down my pen
The best method I know to let stuff out my head
Yes, I'm aware of the notion I must sound a bit dense
But I'm just letting you know there's nothing round to contend
When stressed then I focus on jotting down a lament
Introspectively composing what comes out from within
Whenever you feel hopeless, down, depressed
I suggest getting a note book out and venting
Whether wrecked or sober muck round with the text
Get depression focused, confront the doubt and dread
Instead of letting them roam or shutting them out your head
Don't ever repress emotions, push them down, pretending
You never noticed them sucking you down to death
You could suffer a thousand deaths together alone
Getting ever more low 'til you couldn't get up out of bed
So yes, my best weapon's prose, and I'll love sound to def

My catharsis

Sometimes you need to sit and vent your heart
Even if there's a fair chance some prick'll tear it apart
But I don't care, it's a farce
So I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve eager to share it with half
Of the people that care when I start with my speech
Harp through my teeth
About seemingly meaningless things mithering me
And I mean it's difficult to say what's really on your brain
Without thinking what friends think of your frame of mind
cos they might think you're a little bit insane
But if you wanna break from the cycle of pain
Then you might wanna change up your mind and its frame
You're neither to blame nor liable for saying
Any lines on a page that's inscribed with your name
They're right when they say pen's mightier than sword
So remember that fact then write and record

My catharsis

Zacchaeus

Zacchaeus was a stumpy, rich little extortionist and knew it. I wonder if the tax-collector in the parable in Luke 18:13 was actually him. It was certainly at least true of him. Jesus is coming through Jericho and Zacchaeus is going to miss seeing him if he doesn’t do something quick, so he climbs up a nearby sycamore tree in Jesus’ path. He gets a better view than he expected, though, when Jesus stops at the tree and invites himself to his house for dinner. Then a miracle Jesus has done manifests itself.

Verse 6: “So he hurried and came down and received him joyfully.”

Really? The guy that’s been skimming from our taxes all these years? Many of the people looking on see this as reflecting on Jesus’ character.

Verse 7: “they all grumbled, ‘He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.’”

But Zacchaeus has been waiting to meet his Lord, and he is ready to repent. He has been rich through unjust means for a long time, and he knows from first-hand experience that riches don’t satisfy. He wants what does satisfy. He’s willing to give anything for it:

Verse 8: “And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, ‘Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.’”

And Jesus gives it to him:

Verse 9: “And Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham.’”

Now, the ground given for salvation coming to his house sounds a little strange, and it would be even more strange to the Jews looking on. Zacchaeus was chief tax-collector, so he was a Jew in the pay of the Roman empire. Ethnically speaking, he was a son of Abraham.  But Jesus stresses it like it’s a new thing, saying he’s going to be saved because he is also a son of Abraham, and the Pharisees (as stated last chapter), aren’t…

The answer is given in Romans 9:6-8. “Not all are children on Abraham because they are his offspring… it is not the children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring.” Zacchaeus was a child of God by grace alone through faith alone, and the self-righteous Pharisees were not:

And in John 8:39-47:


39 They answered him, “Abraham is our father.” Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would be doing the works Abraham did,
40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. This is not what Abraham did.
41 You are doing the works your father did.” They said to him, “We were not born of sexual immorality. We have one Father—even God.”
42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and I am here. I came not of my own accord, but he sent me.
43 Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word.
44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
45 But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.
46 Which one of you convicts me of sin? If I tell the truth, why do you not believe me?
47 Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.”

Back to the story. We’re at the end now, and Jesus is implicitly explaining why he’s going to eat with this unrighteous tax-collector (ew).

Verse 10: “For ['all this because'] the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

Zacchaeus wasn’t righteous. He’s been stealing from his fellow Jews, and overseeing others doing the same thing. It was accepted that he was a sell-out to the Romans, and that when the Messiah came, these people would be the first to go as he setup his reign on earth and prepared to kick out the oppressors.  For many in the crowd, this was the last straw, and confirmation that Jesus couldn’t be the Christ. “The real Christ would be showing me special attention, because I keep God’s law. He would know what this man is.”

But Jesus came to seek and save the lost. Those who think they are made righteous by their works, beware.

Do you think you’re pretty good? Maybe if you had a few small (or big) sins removed you’d be righteous? The Pharisees knew they sinned (nobody’s perfect, right?), but they also “took care of it” regularly with their sacrifices. They were clean, as far as they knew, because of their own obedience.

Jesus was seeking people who were willing to admit they had strayed from the straight and narrow path, and wanted desperately to get back on it. He wanted people who would acknowledge their record and plead for it to be expunged. He wanted broken, humbled, desperate people who knew there was no other way. Those are who the gospel is for (Luke 18:14, Matthew 23:12, Mark 2:17).

“Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12

First post since my transition to WordPress

Hey all. I’ve transitioned my blogware from Nucleus to WordPress. I’ll eventually port all the old stuff I wrote into this blog, but for now I’m just going to write new stuff.

I wanted to switch to WordPress because it’s so much better, and I want to actually start writing things. It’s hard to do that when your blogware is awkward.